Here are some tips on what to look for in an ideal relationship:
1. Someone who is respectful of you and people of your gender.
Does not use phrases like my ex was a stupid bitch or whore and then telling you a story about how horrible they were – there are two people in a relationship. Does not ogle other women/men in the room while sitting with you.
2. A person who is listening to you when you talk.
Is not on the cell phone or looking around the room.
3. Someone who is more anxious to spend time getting to know you.
Not someone who talks about sex or makes sexual innuendos on the first few dates.
4. Someone who has goals for the future, is independent, balanced in work and job, and responsible for their life.
If they have children they take care of them emotionally and financially. If in their 20’s they can live with parents but need to have a plan for when they are moving out (a clear concrete plan not a bunch of talk). If they are over 30 should not be living with parents (there is an exception if parents have moved in with them).
5. A person who is a little nervous on the first date.
Not trying to show off, not overly dressed or talking in riddles (story seems complicated and doesn’t add up). To much too soon is a game not nerves.
6. A person who is very respectful to the staff at the facility you are going to for your date.
Someone who is rude or arrogant to others on a date will turn that on you eventually.
7. Someone who you have a lot in common with.
This doesn’t mean you drink the same beer and like to visit the same night clubs. It means you and they have similar interests in politics, family, friends, religion, values, goals, but also things like hobbies. Hint, it takes a few dates to really see whether or not you have things in common – people need to let their guard down a little.
8. A person that engages in a long conversation with you about topics that are brought up.
This means you are actually talking about the things you have in common. If you are just getting one sentence answers and it leaves you unable to say anything more, this isn’t a person that you can easily talk to. A long conversation is one you enjoy not one where the person is spending the entire time trying to bring you to their side of thinking.
9. On the dates with you the person dresses nice and in appropriate attire for wherever you are going.
This is entirely dependent on you. The person should be dressed similar to the standards that you have.
10. The person requests your phone number only at the end of the date.
If the person requests your phone number it is because they plan to call and talk to you in person. If they give you anything else, they do not see you as someone they are interested in but a casual affair. Texting and emails or “Like Me” buttons do not mean they are serious about a relationship or continuing a dating process. These non-audio conversations are non-committal and disrespectful.
11. Makes a new date after the first date.
The first date should end with a plan to see each other again if things are working out well and you feel you have chemistry. After the date has been made, you should not be getting phone calls, text messages, emails, and the like, everyday up until the next date. This is a person who is obsessed but not serious. The obsession is a game to make you think they are very attentive and interested in you (but really trying to get you in bed). Sometimes people play the obsession game thinking they will make an in between date at your house (if this happens the next date probably won’t). It can also be an obsession because they are a controlling person and intend to control you. No one should ever be in constant contact with you several times a day. If they are, they are not invested in their job, school, or personal life. A confident person might call you in between dates to talk – if this has been agreed on. Once you are going out in a committed relationship, they might call you once/day to check-in but it should never be more than two times a day. More than once should be because there was a glitch in the plans.
You will find this person if you are confident in yourself, conscious of the world around you, independent and are in a healthy state of mind.
- You have fourteen new messages. (ask.metafilter.com)
- Showing up as Your Authentic Self in Relationships (courageousandremarkableself.com)
- That Dreaded First Date! (socyberty.com)
- For Men Only – Investing in a Woman (jkvegh.wordpress.com)
- What To Do On Your First Date (goodfortune4all.wordpress.com)