Mothers and Daughters

Lately there has been a string of mothers coming to the defense of their daughters, who have behaved in very inappropriate ways.  How is this going to allow them to have a healthy future?

Case 1: Daughter dresses in risqué clothes to pose for senior yearbook photos. It is not the mother who teaches her about morality and having respect for herself but the yearbook committee (solely made up of teens) who felt the photos were not appropriate for their historical archives. The photos are similar to that which you would see in Playboy magazine, though she is dressed with a little more on than the average bunny. Supposedly she now has a movie deal.

Case 2: 15-year-old daughter is on YouTube dressed like a doll and is very popular in Asia with Japanese adult men. They send messages to the girl that are sexually explicit. Mother doesn’t see anything wrong with this on an interview with the BBC. Daughter is bringing in quite an income for the family because she has millions of hits to her videos.

Case 3: Teen (forgot the age) marries a 40 something year old behind-the-scenes-celebrity with both her parents permission.

What is happening in our society today is we have mothers with an identity crisis, who wish to re-live their teens vicariously through their daughters. Not having a parent who teaches right from wrong or setting limits for a child causes parentified teens with a lot of weight on their shoulders.  These are young girls growing up so fast that when they do hit the signs of aging, their life will be over. And they don’t realize this. Money isn’t everything when you are a lonely 30 something year old and guys are not as interested anymore. It might be even sooner than that too.

Hollywood throws cutesy-pies away before their 30, especially when they have no acting skills. A model is too old when she is in her 20’s. When I saw the young girls You Tube video, I thought immediately of the movie “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane” with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. I also thought of all the young stars in Hollywood who soon began self-medicating as the years went on. And then of course there is the movie “Gypsy” with Rosalind Russell and Natalie Wood. Stories that don’t generally end on a happy note.

Then there is the young bride. Prior to the modern era, this wouldn’t have been so confusing to society, it would have been expected. Today in third world countries, it continues to happen with girls being married off at birth. But in America, for a teen to be married to a man a couple of decades older than her, it brings up lots of concerns. Top this off by the fact that the girl looks anorexic and many red flags come up for me as a psychotherapist about her mental health status.

Children need parents to teach them boundaries and to have respect for their bodies. A parent who is teaching their child that they are sex objects and meant to be ogled by older men is setting a young woman up for failure.  It is forcing her to assume the role of a submissive person completely dependent on men for her sole existence as a woman. The men she will attract will be very controlling dominant partners who will not allow her to be self-sufficient. The minute she tries to grow as a mature woman and begin to have a sense of self, he will be out looking for younger women. She will have to remain the young goddess he has built his fantasy around for as long as she possibly can. She will have to fight hard with her figure, will be expected to undergo plastic surgery for every little nook and cranny that begins to distort the image he has of her.

As the woman ages she will become very depressed, have low self-esteem, lack courage to stand up for herself and this is very sad. A waste of a life thanks to parents who were only interested in fulfilling their own subconscious needs. The parents are already older. What do they do when they can no longer use their daughters? When their daughter becomes them and there is no one else to use? Now I am reminded of a couple of women who were related to Jackie Kennedy Onassis and who lived in a dilapidated mansion with a bunch of cats; the filth was so horrible it had to be shoveled away.

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