You Deserve to be Loved

Everyone deserves to be loved.

Unfortunately some of us are raised in environments that will have us understand love as a gift that someone gives us.

Love comes from within and often when I am trying to explain this in session it is as if I have just spoken in the Greek language. It is not in our nature, when we have been raised with this worldview; as the interpretation does not come easily.

Love is not ego but an energy, an emotion, a sense of self.  One does not love oneself by talking about themself ad nauseum or buying toys and assuming that everyone is interested in putting all their attention on them. This is often a misperception because we see this version and know that it is not nice. These are the people who we assume love themselves too much. Often we want to avoid these people and thus avoid the concept of loving ourself.

Love can also be seen as being selfish. The frequent comment I hear is “I am a giving person.” I will often ask “How often do people give to you?” I will also ask “Who in your life is there for you as much as you are there for them?” It is not selfish to take care of the self. It is self-fulfilling.

Everything should be done in moderation. So in the scenario above with the person and the ego, it is not bad to buy things for yourself as a gift. Maybe you treat yourself to the spa, once in a great while, to pamper your body after all the hours on the job. You might buy yourself a really fun car or even a luxury automobile after all your years of hard work. These actions alone are not selfish. It only becomes selfish when you stop thinking of others needs.

There is nothing wrong with giving until you give so much that it hurts. Until you have become the person that people expect will drop everything for them. Then you are not giving, you are giving up on yourself. At this point the act comes out of guilt rather than love. This is when you might notice frequent headaches, stomach pains, or acid indigestion.

Give when it is not expected. Give as part of a holiday or family affair. Put limits on what you give. Stick within your budget. Don’t give in response to what you think others are giving as that is not from the heart.

Loving yourself is a lesson in being loved. It is about healing early childhoood wounds. Learning to have boundaries and setting them. Taking care of yourself by healthy eating, vitamins, and exercise. Feeling good when you wake up in the morning, knowing that your needs are being met. Smiling from feelings of being happy, not because it is an act you are doing to show others how good your life is meant to be. Or because they expect you to be happy so you smile. Smiling is a natural reaction from a glow within.

Love is what you will find when you are already in love with yourself. The cliche, birds of a feather. Those who give till it hurts attract those who are needy. Those who have big egos attract those who have small ones. Learn to love yourself, make sure you understand this new language and how you are interpreting it.  Then watch what happens in your world.

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