While writing yesterday’s post “She’s Just Not Into You,” I was all too aware that some women would fall for the guy I was describing. In fact it was rather a sad moment as I reflected on men that my friends, colleagues and even I had experiences with. When you are trying to motivate others to consider different choices, it is important to realize that this might not happen quickly or ever.
When I was a young girl of 16, I was caught off guard by a boy who paid a lot of attention to me at my high school. As I lived in a very small town, with a limited and very naive world view, I assumed this was my one chance in life. Having also been raised in an abusive household, my self-esteem was very low. Therefore when he asked me to marry him, I assumed this was it. I took what life through at me and it was a terrible mistake. Thank goodness, I was smart enough to get out quickly.
Many young women around the world grow up in small towns. Many young women grow up in abusive environments or are exposed to rape or sexual abuse in all communities. Thus their world view is dimmed and jaded by obstacles that have come their way. It isn’t just these circumstances though, there are many others. Growing up without your father, losing a beloved family member, a significant other trauma that affects your life in some way. There are many reasons why a woman becomes desperate to be loved or in wanting romance and having no idea what it really looks or feels like, assumes too quickly that they have met the one.
Coming from a limited world view, there is no sense of the world as your oyster. As a young person, it is hard to imagine the adventure that awaits you and all the men that you will end up meeting one day. When you are in a small village or in a trapped environment growing up, the world seems to be frightening and that you need to be saved. Our society teaches us that a man is going to do this, a very strong-looking type of guy who goes right at you and appears to know exactly what to say. As they seem to have more of an idea than you do and as they seem to be a piece of life that you have never known, anything looks better than where you are now.
Unfortunately, when you have been raised as in the scenarios above, the man you will be attracted to is far from someone who will save, protect, or love you. This is because when we are downtrodden we fall for the same. These men that we fall for are so weak that they trip over themselves and as a victim, as a person so intent on proving themselves, we pick them up and comfort them. You would think this would be the ultimate sacrifice that one would envy and feel a debt of gratitude to. But these men don’t. They have more of a reason now to feel ashamed, their pride is wounded and you are to blame.
Sadly this is a learned lesson based on life experience. A young person is not going to listen to someone trying to share their own knowledge. It gives us professionals great pain, just as it does mothers, aunts, grandmothers and even girlfriends, when we can’t get it through the girl’s head that they are making the biggest mistake of their life.
I’d like to also say though that it does make you a stronger woman. Life choices that are bad, can also be good when you have learned the lesson and toughened up. When you have become a wiser person and feel a sense of pride for having tackled the challenge. Then of course I have to remember that there are some women who do not learn the lesson. They are in bad relationships that last decades or they are killed. Some become so wounded in their relationship that they are driven to kill the perpetrator and end up spending their lives behind bars for finally taking the initiative and standing up for themselves. In fact, most women behind bars are there because of love, no matter what the crime.
In retrospect, the blog articles that are written here are based on initiative. Having the guts to tackle issues boldly by looking at what is possible and what is reality. Everything on here is from an authentic place, a moment in this writer’s mindset where the thoughts of issues facing our mind, body, and spirit plague her each and every day.
- International Young Women Partnership (bestofbrusselsblog.com)
- Love the Skin You’re In Source It From Within – An Inner Peace Activism Campaign (briesbreeze.wordpress.com)
- Marian Croak: Dear Young Women in Technology, Welcome From a 30-year Veteran (huffingtonpost.com)
- Steve Harvey, Wife Conducting Girls Mentoring Weekend in Atlanta (atlantablackstar.com)
- Magazines jeopardize and empower young women’s sexuality (eurekalert.org)