Many times men and women, including myself, have let our egos get the best of us when a person we find attractive is just not interested in us. This is a great sign that we often do not understand and some people tend to hold onto; continuing to push or obsess over someone who is just not right for us.
Case scenario – Shy Guy: Sally is interested in William, a guy at school. He is very handsome, dresses very stylish, they seem to have a lot in common and he appears to be attracted to her. For some reason, William never asks Sally out. Sally decides to take the initiative and ask William out on a date. Williams resists but is so nice about it Sally continues trying to talk to him thinking that maybe he is just shy. Time goes on, they see each other daily but William is beginning to avoid Sally. Sally is confused and begins questioning herself. Am I not dressed right? Is it my hairstyle? Did I say something wrong? A couple of more times Sally is able to have a conversation with William but finds herself less able to find something to say to him.
The problem here is that Sally is unable to see that while William might find her attractive, for whatever reason is just not interested in going out. She is doing all the work and he is not even reciprocating. Sally is a very outgoing girl and generally a very confident person. Men generally go for Sally and so she is unused to the one who pulls away. This caused her to feel as if she must have been making a mistake in some way. Instead, she is saving herself from a relationship that would have been based on her being the constant pursuer. She would have always felt as if she was doing something wrong and this would be bad for her self-esteem. It sounded as if William wasn’t much of a conversationalist, whereas Sally is. She would have been bored very quickly. It was luck for Sally that she ended up meeting another guy, equally handsome but much more talkative. He was very interested in her, asked her out and they have started dating. She reports having great conversations.
Case scenario – Addict: Victor is in love with Dawn. Dawn is NOT in love with Victor, instead she loves her alcohol. They have gone out for a year and even began living together for a couple of months. Victor took their cohabitation as a sign to get serious about the relationship. He began his quest to get Dawn to stop drinking. They argue all the time but he really feels like he is helping her. Sometimes she will go a whole week without drinking. Victor believes that if he loves her enough, she will eventually stop drinking altogether. Dawn finally gets fed up with his nagging and kicks him out of the house. Victor can’t stop thinking that if only she’d give up the booze, they would have a wonderful relationship. The few times she was clean, she was a really decent person. He cherishes those limited moments.
The problem here is the big key factor: Dawn is an addict and Victor is enabling her. An addict does not want a relationship with someone who will constantly tell them that they are an addict and need to get off their fix. They want someone who will give them money, clean their house, have sex with them when they want it and hopefully will eventually use right along with them. They like to bring people down to their level because it is too difficult to be the lone addict. The good news here is that she actually did Victor a favor by breaking up with him. Unfortunately, it took him a long time to figure this out because Victor likes to save people.
These are two examples; one extreme and one that is pretty light. If there is a man or woman whom you are interested in, pay attention to all the signs that are in front of you. Don’t ignore anything. When you find yourself doing all the work to initiate or even in an existing relationship, this is a key sign that it is not going to work out. Why cling on to a bad situation? Why persist with a person about going out with them? It will not change.
Look at it as someone (universe, God, angel) is looking out for you when things don’t work out. Generally this does not always happen – that you have this luck! Many times the guy or girl do go out with the person before finding out they aren’t the right one. This leads to bad partnerships where the one who is “in love” tries very had to keep the relationship going. Sometimes even though partners, the ones who aren’t giving, don’t like the other one so much they stay because it is convenient. When a couple is staying and the partnership is a convenience it can even lead to violence. The relationship is based on arguing to the point where one person hits the other rather than ending it. It might also lead to objects being thrown rather than hitting someone. It could mean someone’s car being destroyed and jealousy running rampant.
When you are trying to hard, there is nothing there. Being alone is okay. Take the time to practice re-thinking what you really want out of a relationship. When you see that attractive person across the room, try to think with your head and not your heart.
- Love or dependency (letlifeinpractices.com)
- Sally Burton: ‘Yes, Richard and Elizabeth Taylor were in love – but they got divorced twice’ (telegraph.co.uk)
- Can’t Buy Me Love (kimmysmadness.wordpress.com)
- The Top Ten Signs that You are in Love (collegecandy.com)