They Won’t Change but You Can!

The most important need from most of my clients is for their partner or family member (mother, brother, uncle, grandpa, daughter etc…) to change. “If only he/she would stop drinking,” the quiet ending is our life would be better. “If only she/he would listen,” “If only he/she would take our marriage/relationship seriously,” always the quiet and sometimes unspoken response is “our life would be better,” or MY life would be better.

Unfortunately I have to give them the reality of the situation and that is the partner or family member is not going to change. If you are coming into psychotherapy this is for one reason, your life is in chaos and it needs to change. The only person I can work with is YOU.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

You are the only one who can control your life and control the thoughts that go through your head. Psychotherapy is a start but not the only part of this course for re-direction. I often talk to my clients about engaging in other resources along with therapy so that they are getting the full effect of immersing themselves in a new direction. One of these paths is through Books. Reading positive and inspirational books from authors who are well-known speakers can help to bring a different perspective to your life. This way you are not just listening to me or venting in session but you are gathering insight from very wise teachers. What I also say to clients is “Here are some suggestions. When you go to the bookstore and are browsing these titles, if something or someone else speaks to you, go with your instincts and take that book instead.” My suggestions get you started. Here are a few examples below:

1. Wayne Dyer – Change your Thoughts, Change your Life

2. Deepak Chopra – Ageless Body, Timeless Mind 

3. Marianne Williamson – A Woman’s Worth

4. Don Miguel Ruiz – The Four Agreements (and now there is a fifth one written with his son)

5. Terry Cole-Whittaker – What you Think of Me is None of My Business

6. Ken Keyes Jr. – Handbook to Higher Consciousness

7. Louise Hayes – Love Yourself, Heal Your Life

There are countless other wise teachers and you will find one from this selection or the book sitting on the shelf right next to it. If you belong to a religious belief you will also want to consult with your minister, priest, rabbi, or holy man/woman to discuss the spiritual aspects of the challenges you face.

Books and Psychotherapy are still not enough to making change in your life. It is important that you eat healthy, exercise, take vitamins, get plenty of water and rest, and have integrity with yourself and your life around you.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi


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