Women and sometimes men, come to me all the time wondering what they should do about a relationship. It is hard for me to stand behind a marriage (cohabitation or pending nuptials) when I am hearing signs of Abuse, Disrespect, On-going Infidelity and/or Sexting, and the big no no Not taking responsibility for their own children.
When a partner is not interested in couples counseling, this is a BIG sign that they are not interested in remaining married or in a relationship.
Yet women and even men, continue to remain on the fence even though I have given them the advice they have asked for several times. I don’t say “you need to get a divorce,” which would set me up with a liability and of course I would be blamed. Instead I make subtle hints by reminding them what they already told me and explaining that people do not change. Of course that is not entirely true, people change, but they don’t change for you.
The above linked article “Should Marriage Licenses Expire,” really appeals to me. It is looking outside of the box at a grey area of “What if.” Imagine what would happen if Marriage Licenses Expired and you had to re-consider marriage once more.
Several things would happen: 1. It would be an easy out. 2. People would still re-up the license because it was convenient. 3. Weddings would become a whole different adventure. Every 7 years as couples who were truly committed would consider newer options which would equal a soaring economy for these already well-off businesses. This would cause jealousy among people on the fence and would force people into pushing for re-newing licenses. 4. It is possible that this would lower the abuse rate among men and women. 5. couples might be more willing to wait out 7 years rather than a lifetime committment which would generate longer lasting marriages (than what we have now). Seven years is a long time when you think about divorce rates.
Don’t stay in a marriage that you are not happy in.
A. If you are always to blame for everything – you will continue to be the one that is blamed going foward.
B. If there is financial, sexual (I don’t care what state laws say – married or not, you can be raped by your partner), physical abuse; this is not a partner that is safe to be around. This also includes abuse to a child, elder or animals.
C. If you are being treated with dis-respect – find someone who loves you for who you are.
D. If they are constantly sexting (someone else) or not coming home from work – AND you know what they are doing, then why are you staying?
E. If they belong on the show “Who’s your babies Daddy?” don’t even get me started…
F. If you know they lie all the time. Well, they are lying to you as well. They are lying to their employers. They are lying to themselves.
Why do you want to stay with someone who does any of these things? It makes one a glutten for punishment. It is sad and can lead to something else, a possible dangerous scenario. Don’t play Russian Roulette with your life. If they fit one of the letters above, don’t come in to seek couples counseling. Ask to see a therapist for individual psychotherapy and look within.
- Working with couples. (ronelleblog.wordpress.com)
- You Bring It, We’ll Solve it! Couples Counseling…by Ilissa Banhazl, MFT (familycouplescounselchino.wordpress.com)
- Longevity should not be marriage’s goal (wealthysinglemommy.com)