When the Answers You Get Aren’t What You Want to Hear

We have to separate ourselves from our ego, get out of our own way to know the truth. It is not easy when you are in meditation or prayer, or even when you are sitting in traffic or on a walk in nature and suddenly your intuition steps in and tells you what you need to know. If you are being guided to an answer you must listen or you will have consequences. But if it is not the answer that makes sense to you, or that you are wanting to hear, this is when we ignore it and pretend it was nothing.

So many times people see me in therapy and I will say “You already know the answer.” This can be complicated to hear because often they want me to tell them the answer. My great friend and teacher was a psychic. She said there were psychics who would tell people what they wanted to hear and this was obviously not ethical. But she admitted that people just don’t want to hear the truth. When they hear it, it doesn’t sit well with them. It isn’t what they want for their life. Of course the cliché “Be careful what you ask for.” There is not one single person alive who doesn’t understand what that means. How many times have we asked for something, received it, and then realized it was all wrong? Asking for something is different from paying attention to your inner voice. You may ask for something and get the message “No!” from your inner voice. You ignore it and then ask it and pray again and again. We are responsible for the choices we make. Yet when we make the mistake, we often blame it on someone else or something else. Listen within and allow what you hear to sit with your consciousness. Focus on why you are hearing it before dismissing it.

The Ego says “This is what I want and god damn it, either I get this or else!”

The Intuition says “Warning…stop, don’t go there…don’t step into this door. It isn’t right for you.”

As we are students on this planet and not guru’s or great master’s of spiritual teachings, we choose the Ego. Another great thing my good friend and teacher told me is that the universe always says yes. So if you are to say “I want this,” the universe says yes. And the caveat with that yes is “Okay, if that is what you want, you got it buddy.”

Your relationship to yourself, your partner, your family member, must be based on integrity or you have nothing. Instead of trying to force it to work, why not allow it to fall. Falling apart will allow things to fall together. This does not mean they fall together the way you want them to. It means they fall apart in a new way. You are falling apart because it is necessary that you change, that you shift your consciousness. But we become afraid of letting go of our comfort zone. We are afraid of what this change would mean in our lives. My experience with this is that in  the end, when you accept the change, you realize in retrospect that it wasn’t so bad for you after all.

But here are some examples of holding on to an answer that you don’t want and the consequences:

Dead 30+ years: I know an old woman in her late 80’s. Her beloved husband was taken from her more than thirty years ago. She stopped living her life then. Her life has been a slow death, since he died. Chances are that if the tables had been reversed, he would have remarried and gone on with his life. Men generally do not stay single – studies show that they live longer if they are married. This does not mean they are happier, they just live longer. This might seem romantic but when you think of the double mastectomy, staying barricaded in the house most of her life, not getting out on the road driving, being content to just sit still and wallow in the past. This is romantic the first year but 30 plus years later it is a person who is not living.  Grieving has no time limits but not breathing for three decades is not healthy for your body or your family. The obstacle was “It is time for you two souls to separate from each other and learn how to live in a new lifestyle.” Possible Answer: Let Go and Live

Happily Ever Bored: There was a couple who stayed married for the children. He was not happy, nor was she, but there was no way they would end their relationship – for the sake of the children. Meanwhile he was having sex with someone else and stopped loving his wife. She didn’t know about it because he became more cunning at hiding it over time. The children end up feeling this uncomfortable energy, piecing some things together and they grow up to have unhealthy relationships. The obstacle here was “You made a mistake, it is time to move forward.” Possible Answer: Grow

Goodbye My Beloved Country: Many people I grew up with left their homeland as a result of a war that ended poorly. They were deemed heroes but felt like they were failures. They abandoned their families and at that time did not have Skype, Emails or Facebook. Each took it in a different way but many of them manifested their pain by abusing their children and their spouses. A constant anger flowed through their bones and the only happiness they seemed to feel was when they gathered together to reminisce. Unfortunately they have all died of cancer. This happened before any of them became sixty.  Those that survived had better coping skills and were savvier at making the best of their life regardless of the circumstances. They found ways to get what they wanted and created their own happiness. The obstacle here was “You are being chosen to embark on a new adventure.” Possible Answer: Teach History, Don’t let them forget

The answers that were ignored in each circumstance had severe consequences to all the people left behind to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath.

When we make a choice, it is uncomfortable. If you are guided to this choice then it is shifting the way you do things in your life. This will cause a sense of emptiness within. If you have come from a foolish repetitive cycle of doing the same crazy dumb mistakes over and over, and then focus on changing this, you are reversing a pattern. The emptiness is your body grieving this loss but it is also leaving a vacant space for you to fill up with good (or bad, depending on what you do next).

Enlightenment is not easy and the road toward this goal is paved with many obstacles along the way. Meet each obstacle as a gift from God/Goddess and see it as a challenge. Meditate or pray on it and ask for answers on how to get through this. I always ask for strength to take the answer and not ignore it. Here is a mantra a friend told to me: “I am open, available and receptive to all that is good for me.” If you are given a tragic set of circumstances, it is because you are capable of taking it on. Don’t let the Gods down by ignoring it. Sure you are not going to like it but you aren’t going to like the consequences any better. Trusting your intuition and eventually you will see happiness. Denying the answers you are given and you will only take pity on yourself in the face of the ugly, unhappy, sad space you have left yourself to live in.

Without integrity we cannot respect ourselves. If we do not respect, we hate ourselves. We become angry and jealous and frustrated souls. Other people suffer from our pain because we don’t want to experience it alone.

Take this message into consideration. Mull it around a few times in your head. Who are you being in this world? Are you determined to be right? Are you controlling your circumstances no matter what the cost? Are you happy?

To live our life in integrity is to wake up each day and put some thought into the choices we make today and those we made yesterday. Did we make a mistake? If so, how can we turn it around in a way that will do good for those around us? Each moment is full of opportunities. Come from your heart, be honest but be conscious of who you are speaking to and what you are now saying.


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