At the onset of the relationship, or even in the middle, you need to assess once in a while who is doing all the work to make it happen.
A relationship is a two-way street, an equal partnership. If one of you is spending too much time trying to court the other, they probably are not interested. When you try to hard, walk away before you get a bruise. Also the harder you work, the less interested they become. We like a little chase in the beginning. In the middle, you have to stop going with the flow, you need to think of something new. Otherwise you are going to get bored.
A woman who is pushing marriage on a partner, the man doesn’t want to get married. If he doesn’t want to and you do, he isn’t the right partner for you. Walk away and if he comes back and proposes, you have got what you wanted with more respect. If he doesn’t come back, you have just saved yourself an expensive divorce after some terrible goodbye.
A man who is obsessive about texts, calls, following through every day, is annoying. Some women get turned on by this because they think it means he cares. He doesn’t, he is just playing a game called possession and you will get bruised in the end – literally. If he is a player, the bruise is on your heart and your mind.
Who came up with this idea to be obsessive with partners? Don’t people work during the day?
In the middle of a marriage, if you are exhausted and feel that you have done everything you can to save your marriage – perhaps it is time to re-think the arrangement. Kids yes, though you should try to teach them to be self-sufficient. If they are not, who’s to blame? But an adult partner who is leaning on you too much? Have you seen the movie series of “Ma and Pa Kettle?” Its hilarious of course yet this takes place in the 50’s. There was a time when women were housewives (stay at home mom’s) and men did the work which brought in an income. When you think about it, it was an equal arrangement. Women just got tired of being disrespected in their positions. They were bored as well, they wanted to challenge their minds. Now we think we are superwomen, capable of doing anything and everything. This causes stress on the person and the family. Someone ends up getting the raw end of the deal emotionally.
Also, many marriages are enabling each other. One partner is holding the marriage up, keeping it together so that they don’t crack up, while the other is using and abusing. One partner raises the kids, works, makes the food, and the other is having a good time – buying toys for themself, letting the other do the work.
How are any of these scenarios going to end good?
If you love someone, working hard for them is not going to win you any awards. If you are both working together as a team, this creates respect, admiration, and a strong union. Marriage or relationships or even dating, this is all based on paying attention to the other, listening, and knowing when it is time to put your cards down and walk away.
Many people stay and work their butts off to keep something that doesn’t want to be kept. A date will leave you because there is nothing there anyway – though they might stay awhile just for the attention. Then when they leave, you will be hurt. In a committed partnership people stick around because it is convenient. Couples will actually stick it out because they don’t want to sell the house, get a new lease, because they are lazy and because they can. Chaos causes a shift in the drab pattern you have created. Walking away from being an enabler makes people live their lives differently – if they care.
If you continue to meet people who you find yourself working too hard for – it is because you are not setting boundaries and taking care of yourself first. In a long-term relationship, it is also a repeat of something you saw growing up.
Be brave and let go. No expectations, just walk away and move forward. When you respect yourself, happiness will follow.
- Steps to Getting Out of a Painfully Stuck Relationship (psychologytoday.com)
- What I’m realizing about friendship (thisisreylo.com)