We know what we don’t want, yet we keep attracting it into our lives. When we get it, we desperately cling to it and then try to change it. This isn’t the answer but because we are so impatient to find the right one, we figure we might as well fix what we have. This only causes us to be stuck in a rut, with whom we don’t want, because we are afraid to keep trying.
No one is going to change “for us.” Would you change because someone asked you to? Especially when the underlying message is “I can only love you, if you change for me. Then we will be perfect!” Don’t answer this with a yes too quickly. Most likely people have been asking you to change for years.
Your boss wants you to change, your teacher thinks you could do better, your parents say you aren’t striving hard enough and then your relationship says “I just can’t be happy with you unless…”
So, here you are in a situation that isn’t going to change. Walk away. You made a mistake, he/she isn’t the one. The longer you’ve been with them the harder it is, yes, I am aware of this. However, the longer you continue, the worse it will get. I am not talking about a relationship that has communication issues. These can be dealt with – but if they can’t be – let them go. Don’t beat a dead horse, expecting them to get up.
Don’t be afraid of change though. Don’t let change be the reason you stay stuck with what you have.
Lets say you have really worked hard to change yourself. You have brought your self-awareness to a level that has made you feel proud of whom you have become. Then a guy/gal walks into your life and immediately you realize you have attracted the past all over again. That is okay, you realized this right away. The plus here is that you didn’t stay several years with him and then wake up one day to see the big picture. You saw it now. So be proud of yourself and keep walking forward.
Self-awareness doesn’t reward you with a gift certificate to the “Perfect Guy (Gal),” store. You don’t walk out of your door and suddenly there he/she is walking down the street. You have to prove yourself a few times, it is your muscle being tested and flexed to make sure it REALLY works. You may think you have self-awareness but until it is actually put into place, it isn’t anything but your ego telling you, you have done a great job.
That smarts, doesn’t it? All this time, you thought you had really become enlightened and were a guru in the making. Then reality smacks you really hard when the person you think is your destiny, because you were super ready for this, turns out to be just the same old narcissistic prick you’ve seen before, only this time he/she played his/her cards differently, so you thought he/she was special. The universe is like that. Though it is really us floating on that flying carpet we created in our minds and we woke up when we saw the ground was right under our butts.
Its okay though. Don’t give up on working on yourself or continuing to go toward that goal of being a really great person. One day you won’t need to say “I have self-awareness now.” Your heart will be open and inside you will feel deserving and without saying it, it will just happen, you will attract Mr./Mrs. Right and you will just keep walking down that path together. Before you know it, you will look back and realize there weren’t any red flags to focus on and suddenly you will at some point even see what was different about you this time then all those other times before.