The first time I heard a woman tell me that she was paying all the bills in her cohabiting relationship with a young man, I was caught off guard. The second time I wasn’t so shocked as concerned that this seemed to be a new norm for young people. After that, I began to feel depressed as it was not just young people but many women who were dealing with this. How could women be in a relationship with a guy who expected to live off of them? Of course when you look at our society these days, MEN are a rare breed. Boys don’t seem to grow up anymore.
In the inner city guys have their pants pulled down like a two year old and stick hoods over their heads so you can’t recognize them. In the professional world, men wear casual Friday’s every day of the week and the tech world doesn’t seem to even take a shower. They are more than happy to go “Dutch,” on a date. The term “gamer” seems to be the norm from young guys to older guys (I won’t call them men when they don’t act like one). I am hearing many guys who live in their parents basement and not always because they are using substances. I hear this from their male friends who are more responsible than they are, from their parents who enable them or from sisters who were a lot more mature than their brothers. Why haven’t these boys been raised to be men? Why haven’t they been taught to have a sense of pride? Work ethics? Chivalry?
Many reasons. One, two parent families don’t make a choice to have children when both are slaving away at the office and come home tired and pacify their kids with whatever will make them happy. Two, single parent families can’t really do everything and more often than not, the father is not there (i.e., emotionally, financially, spiritually) to help raise his children. Three, we as women give up and go in too fast and take what we can get. I will focus on number Three, here in this blog post.
As a woman, you have to take your time getting to know the person you are going out with. We are still being raised on the importance of marriage and babies but this doesn’t mean you have to settle. Women are more mature than men, which is often why we go for older one’s – to get that equal balance. As we are more mature it means we have a lot more power too. Except, when we don’t use it, we are just as immature as the guy is. We can make these guys change into men by demanding more out of them – before we have sex and definitely before you say “I Do.” If they want you, they will wait and they will pay more attention to what you want. If they don’t want you, let them go, who cares! No one is worth wasting your time over.
I am not saying change the guy you are with, because you have already allowed him to get away with his lifestyle. You can’t change someone. I am talking about changing the consciousness of society by expecting more. If a guy is told a few times that he dresses like a slob, he needs to behave more responsibly, he is a player and has a bad reputation, and you don’t date boys but only men, he is going to be one lonely person. He is going to have to start shaping up if he doesn’t want to sit home every night of the week. Instead, you are feeling sorry for him and thinking your “love,” is going to fix him. It hasn’t happened ever in the last several thousand years and it isn’t going to happen with you either. Plus, you are not a psychotherapist, hairstylist, doctor, and you don’t run a “Charm School for Men.” By going out with a guy like this, you are just as bad as he is. So stop doing this to yourself. You deserve better!
I always hear women say that it is hard to find a “good man.” It is in today’s society, so this means you live alone for awhile until you are in a better place where you attract the good man and the right man into your life. He will come along when you are not settling for someone else. When you are focusing on your education, your career, your self and then, once you have the life you want – or have fulfilled your personal dreams, when you least expect it…there he is. Happiness attracts happiness, low self-esteem attracts low self-esteem. Birds of a feather. Start working on you and stop staying longer than you should.
Don’t drag yourself down with these low-life’s who have some feeble excuse about why they are the way they are. It is quite incredible that women coming from the same family as these guys, actually come out much stronger and more of a survivor than their brothers do. Their attitude and the way they were raised or the ex-wife they had to deal with is NOT YOUR PROBLEM. When they stop giving you excuses and talk to you like a respectable, responsible, MAN who is focused on you and not winning you with sympathy votes, this is the person you want to pay more attention to.
Being alone is more satisfying then putting up with some loafer who expects you to front the costs of his living arrangements. You will be much happier than living with a man who is cheating on you, or a “gamer,” or a liar, or a social media freak or some other such nonsense. These are not boys you want to raise a family with. They are misfits of society that haven’t grown up but only because we have enabled them to be who are they are. Start taking a stand as a woman and demand more out of men around you. Over time, they will get tired of being alone and being told to grow up and they will. They will be forced to.
Happiness in a relationship comes from two people who have taken their time to invest in building a foundation. From two people who have put a great deal of effort in communicating what their needs and wants are to make sure that this is a person they can build a partnership with. Love is nourished by having respect, shared interests, finding relevance in one another, supporting one another’s dreams, and being responsible for the partnership as a team.
It takes time to find the right man to share your life with. Don’t be desperate. Be alive and moving forward with your dreams.