It’s Not About the Nail

A client recently suggested I might like this video and I was very grateful once I saw this. This is a terrific example of couples in communication with each other. The guy wants to fix things (in real life it is not this obvious). And the woman just wants him to listen to her, to be empathic, to “not side with the enemy,” (to quote Dr. John Gottman’s work). She is getting more and more frustrated in the video and he is continuing to try and point out the obvious – just fix it.

What I also found very interesting is that in real life, the example of real pain (with women it is usually emotional not physical) is often seen with men who do not want to go to the doctors. I could see this example much easier in reverse with a man who refuses to go to the doctor yet is in a lot of pain. A woman would go to the doctor because she would want to please her partner. A man wants to fix things but only if they are someone else’s problem, as it is too difficult for them to go into therapy and talk about their innermost feelings or go to the doctor and get a shot or (maybe) learn that they are going to die or learn that they will be weakened in some way so that they are unable to be the man they want to be for their partner, family, self.

A great video because it opens discussion and creates dialogue between couples.


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