Tag Archive | Dating

Tips for Online Dating

I’ve recently utilized one of the online dating services and have learned quite a bit about what goes on in this modern society and the world of singles. Firstly, you want to make sure you are on the right website. Since dating, hook-up and sex sites just want your money, they are not taking any time whatsoever to explain their format, give examples or basically provide you with a reason why you should want to pay them money. They all say they are free and none of them are except a couple. But who wants to be on a free website when this tells you how much the other is willing to invest in their future? Dating websites JUST want your money, they don’t care what happens after that. Be conscious of this and the choices you make. Click on Top 10 list below:

Ask Men has a really good list of Top 10 dating websites which explains the costs, what the site is really for and gives you the pros/cons. Once you read their article, click on the numbers below it to start learning about each of their picks that they chose based on their research.


1. If you are just trying to hook-up, or have sex, don’t go on a “Dating” website. Look at the Top 10 list above and find the right one for you.

2. If you have a sexual perversion, again, don’t go to a “Dating” website. Look at the Top 10 list above and find the right one for you. A decent woman is not interested in looking at your Cross-Dressing YouTube videos.

3. Beware of Scammers – yes, they have now taken over dating websites. Look for someone who appears to be American White/Black but the text they write has tons of grammar/content mistakes that someone would not talk like if they were born here. Of course if they are honest and say “I here from Belgium,” okay but if they don’t, be leery.  I’ve heard women say they are usually living in a very small town and often mention being a Widow. If they seem to want you to Text – DO NOT. They scam you through Texting.

4. Players – Beware of men who have two email conversations with you and then say they want to meet you and DON’T or you never hear from them again. I have read Elizabeth Stone’s article “5 Sketchy Reasons Why Your Online Match Won’t Meet You In Person and What to Do About it.” You should read this too.

5. Photos – There is a lot to say so I will break it down. 

            a. Don’t take photos of yourself as a selfie – it looks ridiculous, especially when the camera is right there in the photo. I have seen people where their heads are up in the air and you mostly see their neck, a profile, their mirror, selfie’s are for kids not grown-ups looking to find a person to have a relationship with. Get a friend to take the photo and look into the camera.

            b. Don’t have a woman/man in your profile photo if you are the opposite and looking for a partner. I have seen some photos with only a woman in the photo, which at first made me think the wrong sex was sent to me. No, the guy was heavyset and too afraid to put his photo on his profile.

            c. If you have photos with kids or women/men please identify that these are your kids, grandkids, niece, etc… so that someone doesn’t think it is your young date, ex-girlfriend, or your kids when they are your grandkids.

            d. Don’t do goofy photos because it makes you look like a moron. It is one of those “you had to be there,” moments and well, we don’t get it. Present yourself in a mature manner or try-out for a comedy club instead.

            e. Men love to do “I am a man” photos which show them popping wheelies, running in Ironman, working out in their basement etc…  This makes me think of a little boy looking for a mommy who will allow them to play. Think how you would feel if you saw a woman turning a cartwheel  or doing the splits, in a ballet pose or bouncing on a trampoline. There are pictures that say “Looking for a fellow skier, skydiver, rock climber,” and photos that say “My main priority in life is playing.”

           f. Photos of Nature??? Even if you are a photographer, women are interested in seeing you, not what you see in life. My first thought is, why are they afraid to show me themselves? Showing a photo of your home or backyard isn’t really that great either unless you are an interior decorator or landscape artist. You can say in your profile that you own a home.  If you were gay and knew how to make a stunning looking house, that is showcase ready, that is one thing but if you were gay you wouldn’t be on a heterosexual dating site. Looking at a dull house or a brown colored grass yard isn’t what a woman is going to get psyched about.

             g. Multiple photos of the same. It is not very clever to show two-three of the exact same photo.  Also, if you aren’t capable of posting them right side up, then don’t.

             h. Sexualized photos – If you have these types of photos, you really need to be on a sex/hook-up site not a dating website.

            i. Dress like a man who wants to find a woman – Don’t expect if you show photos of yourself dressed like a slob or in a rock concert T-shirt that you are going to get a sexy lady wanting to go out with you. If you don’t know how to dress nicely, pick up GQ magazine or another stylish men’s magazine  to see how you can upgrade your style a bit. Birds of a feather flock together. You want a decent person, act like a decent person.

             j. Don’t put a photo on there that has your text attached to it. SCAMMER!! If you can’t afford the dating service go to a free website that really is free.           

6. I am out of your league! Don’t see a pretty girl and go crazy sending emails to every single one to see who will bite. Emails that start out “Hey Beautiful,” or ” Hi Princess,” or “Hi Sexy,” don’t get a woman excited. This is bar room talk and meant for the bar and a beer, not a serious person looking for a man.

7. Read the profile – If it says “Looking for a God Fearing man,” then don’t send an email if you are an Atheist or some other thought process. Religion is important to people, especially when they say this. I saw quite a few profiles that said “If you voted for Trump, we aren’t a match.”  These are pretty strong words but weed people out that will waste their time. So pay attention. People take time to write profiles for a reason.

8. Be honest – Seriously. When someone meets you in person, it will be obvious that you are not “Athletic and Toned.” If you are a cheap skate and have no intentions of paying for the woman, don’t wait to go on a date to suddenly look up in the sky when it is time to buy the tickets for the movie. Put on your profile – I only do Dutch on dates. Please don’t insult women by saying you are a feminist. That is such a low blow and it only means you are cheap, not a feminist. If a woman is a feminist and big on doing Dutch, this will be made clear by her, so you need to be honest too.

9. Steer clear of online dating websites that don’t let you see photos immediately or make you pay extra after you have paid the bill to see them (very dishonest). A mutual attraction begins when you look into someone’s face. I live in Ohio, lots and lots of really, really, nice, great, men here. Unfortunately, I am not attracted to every single one of them. It is not what a person looks like either but the energy that is emitted from their photo. You are attracted to it or you are not.

10. If you say “let’s meet in person,” then you are expected to do just that. It is called integrity. Don’t brag about being a professional on your profile and then say one thing and mean another.

11. Coffee Meetings – these are meant to be a way to single out if there is chemistry, conversation, begin to build if there is. It is not a marriage proposal so don’t get so egotistical about this and fear the first date.

Guys, you are the reason why dating websites get a bad name – for the most part. I have talked to many women who have been on these websites, read articles, etc… Don’t ruin it for the good guys. Don’t ruin it for us women. No one who is on a serious dating website wants to be played, spend money on your Nigerian adventure, or be told “Lets meet” and then your never heard from again. It wastes everyone’s time and energy. Don’t be so egotistical to think a woman is dying to meet you, she is afraid too. We are all on dating websites because we are tired of trying to meet a person live, the old fashioned way. No one wants to meet at bars, except if they are an alcoholic. So be mature, have some integrity and be a real man who embodies these rules. A real man wouldn’t show photos of himself popping wheelies or in a baseball cap w/a beer bottle (unless you are looking for an alcoholic). A real man would show a professional, well-groomed, clean appearance that would make a woman get excited. No one gets excited to see a man in a t-shirt, beer belly, baseball cap, sunglasses, hoodie, pants pulled down, gold teeth, etc… you get the picture. Women are looking for a responsible, well-behaved, mature professional man. I have talked to women in the inner city and even they are not looking for gold teeth and pants pulled down. They are too smart for that!

Keep it simple and sweet. Don’t go into long monologues because the more you put on there the easier it is to weed you out. If you say too much, it is easy for a woman to see things she won’t have in common with you.

Dating websites are meant to be ways to meet people and it is hoped that someone will take their time to get to know you and if you seem interesting ask to meet you somewhere in public and then see what happens next. Act like a responsible, mature, professional man with integrity and you will find the right person to share your life with (since that is what you keep stating in your profile). Otherwise save your money and sit at home watching football.




You Don’t Need a Prince to Lead a Charming Life

Why be a princess when you can be a Queen? Not the Queen of country but of your own domain, your life. You don’t need a man to have what you want in life. Naturally, we want to share our life with someone but first we need to find out who we are, establish ourselves as women and then consider who we will choose to spend our time with. Either, you’ve made some mistakes and feel you need some guidance on how to re-think your future or, you have just started out on your road to college and would like some advice navigating this road ahead.

With all the negative representations of women we are presented with in today’s society don’t you want to change all of this and be a part of a different world? Do you ever ask yourself these questions: How can I, as a woman, reclaim my power? How can I, as a woman, reclaim my pride and self-respect? How do I, as a woman, ask for what I want in a polite or diplomatic way, rather than demand it? How do I, as a woman, find a person to share my life with and create a long-lasting union? A relationship that I will be happy with, not just tolerating. How do I, as a woman, put an end to divorce and babies out of wedlock and abuse rates rising higher and higher? How do I, as a woman, go back to a state of elegance, a time of pride and family, but also of love, peace and harmony? How do I, as a woman, create new rules for how to behave in society? My new book “You Don’t Need a Prince to Lead a Charming Life,” will help you to find these answers, if only you will give it a try.


Who’s Doing All the Work?

At the onset of the relationship, or even in the middle, you need to assess once in a while who is doing all the work to make it happen.

A relationship is a two-way street, an equal partnership. If one of you is spending too much time trying to court the other, they probably are not interested. When you try to hard, walk away before you get a bruise. Also the harder you work, the less interested they become. We like a little chase in the beginning. In the middle, you have to stop going with the flow, you need to think of something new. Otherwise you are going to get bored.

A woman who is pushing marriage on a partner, the man doesn’t want to get married. If he doesn’t want to and you do, he isn’t the right partner for you. Walk away and if he comes back and proposes, you have got what you wanted with more respect. If he doesn’t come back, you have just saved yourself an expensive divorce after some terrible goodbye.

A man who is obsessive about texts, calls, following through every day, is annoying. Some women get turned on by this because they think it means he cares. He doesn’t, he is just playing a game called possession and you will get bruised in the end – literally. If he is a player, the bruise is on your heart and your mind.

Who came up with this idea to be obsessive with partners?  Don’t people work during the day?

In the middle of a marriage, if you are exhausted and feel that you have done everything you can to save your marriage – perhaps it is time to re-think the arrangement. Kids yes, though you should try to teach them to be self-sufficient. If they are not, who’s to blame? But an adult partner who is leaning on you too much? Have you seen the movie series of “Ma and Pa Kettle?” Its hilarious of course yet this takes place in the 50’s. There was a time when women were housewives (stay at home mom’s) and men did the work which brought in an income. When you think about it, it was an equal arrangement. Women just got tired of being disrespected in their positions. They were bored as well, they wanted to challenge their minds. Now we think we are superwomen, capable of doing anything and everything. This causes stress on the person and the family. Someone ends up getting the raw end of the deal emotionally.

Also, many marriages are enabling each other. One partner is holding the marriage up, keeping it together so that they don’t crack up, while the other is using and abusing. One partner raises the kids, works, makes the food, and the other is having a good time – buying toys for themself, letting the other do the work.

How are any of these scenarios going to end good?

If you love someone, working hard for them is not going to win you any awards. If you are both working together as a team, this creates respect, admiration, and a strong union. Marriage or relationships or even dating, this is all based on paying attention to the other, listening, and knowing when it is time to put your cards down and walk away.

Many people stay and work their butts off to keep something that doesn’t want to be kept. A date will leave you because there is nothing there anyway – though they might stay awhile just for the attention. Then when they leave, you will be hurt. In a committed partnership people stick around because it is convenient. Couples will actually stick it out because they don’t want to sell the house, get a new lease, because they are lazy and because they can. Chaos causes a shift in the drab pattern you have created. Walking away from being an enabler makes people live their lives differently – if they care.

If you continue to meet people who you find yourself working too hard for – it is because you are not setting boundaries and taking care of yourself first. In a long-term relationship, it is also a repeat of something you saw growing up.

Be brave and let go. No expectations, just walk away and move forward. When you respect yourself, happiness will follow.


If They Don’t Ask You Out Its a Good Sign

Many times men and women, including myself, have let our egos get the best of us when a person we find attractive is just not interested in us. This is a great sign that we often do not understand and some people tend to hold onto; continuing to push or obsess over someone who is just not right for us.

Case scenario – Shy Guy: Sally is interested in William, a guy at school. He is very handsome, dresses very stylish, they seem to have a lot in common and he appears to be attracted to her.  For some reason, William never asks Sally out.  Sally decides to take the initiative and ask William out on a date. Williams resists but is so nice about it Sally continues trying to talk to him thinking that maybe he is just shy. Time goes on, they see each other daily but William is beginning to avoid Sally. Sally is confused and begins questioning herself.  Am I not dressed right? Is it my hairstyle? Did I say something wrong? A couple of more times Sally is able to have a conversation with William but finds herself less able to find something to say to him.

The problem here is that Sally is unable to see that while William might find her attractive, for whatever reason is just not interested in going out. She is doing all the work and he is not even reciprocating. Sally is a very outgoing girl and generally a very confident person. Men generally go for Sally and so she is unused to the one who pulls away. This caused her to feel as if she must have been making a mistake in some way. Instead, she is saving herself from a relationship that would have been based on her being the constant pursuer. She would have always felt as if she was doing something wrong and this would be bad for her self-esteem. It sounded as if William wasn’t much of a conversationalist, whereas Sally is. She would have been bored very quickly. It was luck for Sally that she ended up meeting another guy, equally handsome but much more talkative. He was very interested in her, asked her out and they have started dating. She reports having great conversations.

Case scenario – Addict: Victor is in love with Dawn. Dawn is NOT in love with Victor, instead she loves her alcohol. They have gone out for a year and even began living together for a couple of months. Victor took their cohabitation as a sign to get serious about the relationship. He began his quest to get Dawn to stop drinking. They argue all the time but he really feels like he is helping her. Sometimes she will go a whole week without drinking. Victor believes that if he loves her enough, she will eventually stop drinking altogether. Dawn finally gets fed up with his nagging and kicks him out of the house.  Victor can’t stop thinking that if only she’d give up the booze, they would have a wonderful relationship. The few times she was clean, she was a really decent person. He cherishes those limited moments.

The problem here is the big key factor: Dawn is an addict and Victor is enabling her. An addict does not want a relationship with someone who will constantly tell them that they are an addict and need to get off their fix. They want someone who will give them money, clean their house, have sex with them when they want it and hopefully will eventually use right along with them. They like to bring people down to their level because it is too difficult to be the lone addict. The good news here is that she actually did Victor a favor by breaking up with him. Unfortunately, it took him a long time to figure this out because Victor likes to save people.

These are two examples; one extreme and one that is pretty light. If there is a man or woman whom you are interested in, pay attention to all the signs that are in front of you. Don’t ignore anything. When you find yourself doing all the work to initiate or even in an existing relationship, this is a key sign that it is not going to work out. Why cling on to a bad situation? Why persist with a person about going out with them? It will not change.

Look at it as someone (universe, God, angel) is looking out for you when things don’t work out. Generally this does not always happen – that you have this luck! Many times the guy or girl do go out with the person before finding out they aren’t the right one. This leads to bad partnerships where the one who is “in love” tries very had to keep the relationship going. Sometimes even though partners, the ones who aren’t giving, don’t like the other one so much they stay because it is convenient. When a couple is staying and the partnership is a convenience it can even lead to violence. The relationship is based on arguing to the point where one person hits the other rather than ending it. It might also lead to objects being thrown rather than hitting someone. It could mean someone’s car being destroyed and jealousy running rampant.

When you are trying to hard, there is nothing there. Being alone is okay. Take the time to practice re-thinking what you really want out of a relationship. When you see that attractive person across the room, try to think with your head and not your heart.